ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
