My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
