It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
