Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
