Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
