I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And then my night got REAL pukey
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
