you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
