Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
