fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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