instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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