I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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