If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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