thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
