Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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