guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
