i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
sarcasm needs its own font
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
