i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
