I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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