im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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