he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
