I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
