I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
