Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
