My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
