so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
