is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
