how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
