remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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