Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
