I'm lost and stupid without you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
