honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
