So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
