the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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