the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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