you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
