He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
