census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There r osticjed everywhere
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
