zippers are such a cool invention
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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