I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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