very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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