Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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