Don't you send me to vm
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
