I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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