My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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