it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
