now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
