Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
