We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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