I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
