A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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