She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
