i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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