I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize