I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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