wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
