Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
