Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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