where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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