i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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