It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
