Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
