What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
