how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
