Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
