She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
