failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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