This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
