i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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