these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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