So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
