Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
this boner is exhausting
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
