I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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