God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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