you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
