he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
